The Strong Room

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I work in a hospital within Nairobi. It is a beautiful facility with state-of-the-art equipment and knowledgeable personnel. The location is perfect, too. Among the many amenities is a Strong Room where we keep psychiatric patients who are in acute psychosis and are-for lack of a better word- untamable.

I was doing a night shift recently and I admitted one such patient into the ward. She was young and full of life, and at the time of admission, full of rage. She would not be still but for intramuscular antipsychotic drug administration. She quickly came from shouting, kicking and screaming to quiet and weak. We put her into the strong room and let her lie there for the night until we found out what further medications we would give her.

I walked past the room on my way to the other wards and in a way I thought, "Does God sometimes put me in a Strong Room?" Not in that way. I am well mentally, I really thank God (because there was a time I was not, and it almost cost me my life). But emotionally. Does God sometimes need to admit me and sedate me for my own safety until I can get back in place?

We call Jesus the Prince of Peace and the Mighty Healer (Psalm 103:2-5). And this therefore goes without saying that yes, sometimes we do get put into strong rooms, but only if we allow it.

1. Call For Help!

The first thing that I do as a doctor when I encounter a violent psychiatric patient is call for help (and I walk back really quickly, lol). I know that I need a lot of hands to keep the patient down so that I can help the patient. The patient at the time thinks that I am their enemy and so they attack. But I am the one who knows what is best for them so I do not ask for consent before I pin them down. I call for help and together with the emergency team, we restrain the patient as we get antipsychotics.

God does that too. Imagine if God came down to everyone each time He needed to knock sense into them. We would be too scared to receive Him and His message. We would all run. So God in His wisdom uses people like you and me to help others. People who have gone through similar paths and so match our scars. They somehow find their way to us and if we let them, they help us heal from our issues and pain. They keep us still, at least, as Christ does His thing! And unlike the natural case, God wants our healing for us even more than we want it for ourselves but we need to let Him come in. He actually does need our consent because He is a gentleman. (He won't hurt you, I promise!)

2. The Injection

For most acutely ill psychiatric patients, we give intramuscular antipsychotics. The needle sucks! It is painful and the drug going into your muscles is not painless to experience, either. I tend to compare it to the initial encounter with God as healer. ("Self-healer", yes, you. Stop scrolling. I am talking to you :D). I used to trade heavily in "self-healing". I would talk myself through the process and just 'get over it' eventually. So when I decided to let God in, I hated every bit of it. Here is this guest entering my home and then showing me where to put my furniture and shoes. I just could not get over that!

Guys, God gives tough and soft love at the same time, at least with me. So when I allowed God to give me an injection (healing His way), He brought me back to the past where I started to go off track. He showed me each and every place where I mishandled His instructions or disobeyed them completely.

He then showed me where my mind needed to change and how I would change that (a course I would have paid over $200 for, given for free!). Then, and only then, did He now start to show me how to heal because my mind was now in the right place to receive the healing. I don't know how else to speak this word without giving my own experience but I will say this: God's school of healing starts with facing pain and then overcoming it.

3. The Admission

There is nothing as degrading and as empowering as healing. Healing strips you naked and your feelings become like naked electric wires at first, before insulation. Your heart is beating from different corners of the world and your mind no longer knows what to describe as what. It is at this time that you are almost, I dare say, compared to a patient in a psychotic state. You may be still at one moment and ready to pounce on someone the next. This is the rawest time of the healing process because your wounds are open and red, oozing with blood.

You need to be in a homely space so that you can be safe to approach and be safe to yourself as well. The Holy Spirit comes in as the comforter and helps you settle in and sit still when you humanly would be jumping from one Instagram post to one name-calling phone-call (or the next body, hello?). The Holy Spirit tells you, "Don't post that." "You wont feel good after you say that." "Stay indoors today instead of going out (or vice versa)." He really does help settle your heart. At this point you are taken into the strong room and are allowed to stay still. No phone, no book, no weapon or instrument. Just you and your thoughts-and warm blankets.

4. The Cold Night

The room is lonely and quiet. You cannot escape your own thoughts. The patients usually sleep through the night due to heavy sedation. But in the emotional/spiritual sense, the strong room experience starts off cold, scary and dark. You want to get out. You want anything but your thoughts because they are tormenting and unhealthy. But this discomfort is where the process starts. "Why am I feeling this way?" "How did things get this far?" "Who am I becoming?" Are hard questions to face at the start of the process but they are necessary in order for you to finally start the spring-clean process. Then slowly, the thoughts that never seemed to get any response start looking less scary. Then they start getting answers. Then they start to give room to more wholesome and forward-looking questions like "How do I pick up from here?" "Who can I partner with in my healing journey?"

Suddenly the night gets a bit warmer. God likes this part of the journey because in this room, He incubates you for your next season. He brings you to introspect so that you may never come out and say, "God coerced me to think this way!" Because the introspection involves your full faculties and concentration and effort. Here is where(if you allow) you can let God adjust erroneous thoughts and do away with false ones.

5. Ready for discharge!

When the patient is stable and can be managed safely off of strong antipsychotics, they are discharged from the strong room and can go into the general ward. After the psychosis has resolved. The violent shivers have abated. The calm has come-although it may be temporary. (Some cases require longer admissions). When we are done with the stripping and shedding of the strong room, our emotions no longer spark up at every trigger.

We no longer scream when we should talk plainly. We no longer stab when we should dab. When we can safely talk about our experiences without leaving the listener cut and disposed to negative emotions. When we can speak well of all the components of our past trauma because they, as much as the good parts, have made us who we are today. We are now more gentle with ourselves and with others because we know that healing is a process. We know how to respond (with grace) to those who do not know how to handle the authenticity of our healing. We can safely go out and spread healing to all those who are struggling.

I have been in and out of God's Strong Room and I must say I did not enjoy the admissions, but I did thoroughly enjoy every come-back.

I humbly submit to you today that if you are broken, breaking or anticipating a break because of how things look in your life, you can also allow yourself into God's Strong Room. He is gentle, He is oh, so kind. He won't leave you to heal yourself. After all, we call Him Jehovah Rapha!