Indigo is a Colour, Too

Sometimes you have praise in your spirit. A worship song stirs up in you. You actively express your adoration of our Lord Jesus, and you accompany it with dance.

But sometimes, all you have is a tear or two. Or ten thousand. And for that season, that may just be enough.

I admire King David. See, this man lived his life honestly before God and made himself a friend of God. Not by his power, his might or military prowess, but because of his heart for what God loved.

A Prayer of Distress

Psalm 6:1-3 NKJV: "O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled; But You, O Lord—how long?"

David was in the process of hiding from King Saul, his father-in-law, mentor and someone he looked up to. A man who was once close to him was now after his life and came against him with all the power he had as a king. Could you imagine the kind of pain that brings? The betrayal, emotional turmoil, fear and spiritual strain that comes with the new dynamics of David's life? David asks, "How long?" which shows how strained he was and how much of a break he wanted. He felt like the Lord was tarrying on his matter, and he did not hide it.

I have gone through dark seasons, and perhaps you have too. Perhaps we can both relate to what David was yearning for: assurance, urgent help, salvation. Sometimes, even with our most earnest desire to worship the Lord and be joyful in His presence, we simply, in that moment of pain, cannot do so with one mind.

So sometimes, we go to church service and pretend.

We sing the praise songs (nothing wrong with that) and brush our emotions aside.

We pray in tongues to show Jesus that we are still committed, but we ignore the known language that our souls sorely need to communicate what our hearts are aching to let out.

We push to medicate our aching wounds with ministry. Performative prayer. Anything that can be noisy enough to drown out our pain.

But to what end?

Turning To Help

Psalm 6:4-5 NKJV: "Return, O Lord, deliver me! Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake! For in death there is no remembrance of You; In the grave who will give You thanks?"

David knew God enough to know that He could not hide from Him (Psalm 139). He expressed his pain and yearnings, but he directed his pain upward. He ran to the Lord to deliver him.

What/whom do you run to when in distress? Is God your deliverer?

In every dark season that I have gone through, I have never received a permanent rest or peace by relying on any crutch apart from the presence of Jesus. Be it a man, a new job, a new business, a new friend or a new...Thing. Whatever distraction it was, I was left in a far worse state than I started in.

Jesus is a dependable deliverer.

He promises us that He will be with us "until the end of the age". This is not just a phrase that He said because He didn't want the disciples to feel bad that He was leaving; this was a promise He made. And one thing we know about God is that He is surely not a promise-breaker (Num 23:19).

Every time I let Jesus into a wound, every moment I let Him sit with me through pain, He never left me thirsty or hungry. He helped. He never left. He restored. He is restoring.

You can turn to Him- He can be trusted.

The Hard Part

Psalm 6:8-9 NKJV: "Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity; For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication; The Lord will receive my prayer."

The hardest part that I have ever experienced during a valley moment has never been the physical or emotional bruises I have had to survive, but the existential stress that comes from believing God has heard me. Every tear. Every silent shout. Every broken hallelujah.

Believing that God has seen me in the dark and that He will not forget what I have given Him with shaking hands in the shadows. Believing that because He has heard me, He will deliver me.

But David shows us that it is possible to believe and pursue deliverance-even in the valley. Even when the circumstances do not look like they are getting better. Even when everything looks nothing like what you had discussed with God.

He hears. He sees. He knows.

Exodus 3:7 NKJV: "And the Lord said: "I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters, for I know their sorrows." (emphasis own).

Today, I weep differently. I weep, wielding the Word of God that I have experienced as SURE.

There are things I am believing Him for that feel distant. The circumstances look very uncertain, but one thing you will find me doing is weeping forward. Knowing that my Lord sees me. He hears me. He knows me. And for now, that is enough. There is mercy in what He has given and what He has withheld. She still loves me, even when everything shouts otherwise. He sings a song over you, too, beloved. Daily. Even when it does not feel like it.

Friend, I encourage you today to lament with God. Do not lock Him out. Do not hide away. He can handle your dark, cloudy season with grace. He will cover you with His wings. He will keep your mind.

So, is yellow a nice colour? Yes! And don't we all love a nice sunflower farm! But what do you do when the yellow dulls into indigo and you feel dull and unseen? Know that Indigo is a colour, too. And God made it, too. Your season of pain is not illegitimate, and if you let God into it, He can help you go through it, and you will not be lost.

Jesus loves you, even if you feel like you are in the dark.

With love,

J. 🌹